Self-Reflection

Here’s a quick way to ruin things

I know I write a lot about self-improvement, and that’s because I’m a big, fat fan of it. I LOVE an introspective person. I LOVE accountability. I LOVE seeing flaws and being able to relate.

But today I was watching a really funny YouTube video (check out Matt Bellassai for serious hilarity but watch out for NSFW language), and I found myself focusing on – of all things –  the backdrop. His apartment. It’s way nicer than my house. I used to think I had a beautifully decorated space, but thanks to two dogs who peed on my good rugs, and to my son for spilling a smoothie on my favorite furry throw pillow, and to myself who ate spaghetti on the couch and got it all over the white blanket, watching this particular video made me realize that I no longer have a beautifully decorated space.

So I found myself focusing not on what he was saying, but on his bookshelves, area rug, throw pillows, and perfect décor in general. And I thought, “Damn. I really need to make over my living room again.”

AND I MISSED THE ACTUAL VIDEO.

You see, ‘improvement,’ the general theme of it, spills over into my life in many ways, most of which are really annoying and kind of ruin my mood/day/life in general.

How am I supposed to just ENJOY my day-to-day life when I spend all my time thinking about how I could make it better?

Do you do this? Am I alone here? FOR EXAMPLE.

  • I constantly look at real estate apps. I am not seriously considering moving at this point, but sometimes I play with the idea, because the market is hot, and maybe I could find something better, or less expensive. Or maybe I could move to a warmer climate and get a pool! ORRRR, I could move closer to the city and be able to easily walk to restaurants! WAIT, maybe I should just rent an apartment again – with a pool AND restaurants! None of this is BAD, per se, but how am I supposed to enjoy my house when all I can think about is living elsewhere? My poor house. It’s a really cute house. It probably feels like a boyfriend who just caught me still browsing match.com like a big asshole.

 

  • When I’m at work, I look at what other women are wearing and I wish I had more of their sense of style. I mean, I’m currently wearing ridiculous leggings, a black tank top, and a big fluffy cardigan. I’m incredibly comfortable but my Hobo, The Abominable Snowman look definitely isn’t Oprah-show-audience-wear. I see women in tall heels and pretty blouses and I marvel at them. How do they do this? I should really get some tall heels (LOL) and a pretty blouse (nah, not stretchy enough). Again, why can’t I just be happy being comfy?
My emo abominable snowman look
One of my gazillion weird pairs of LuLaRoe leggings

I don’t know if all of this ‘improvement’ inner dialog is just part of my nature, if it’s due to my astrological sign (Virgo), or if it’s just because I’ve chosen to constantly focus on what I should be doing differently. It’s exhausting. I’m tired. I want to just BE PRESENT and be (mostly) happy and appreciate what I have (nice things)/am (extremely comfortable), so I’m going to make a conscious effort to shift my thoughts when I start doing that ‘____ could be better’ thing all the time.

Do you suffer from this same improvement-based affliction? Come chat with me on social…let’s commiserate, and remind ourselves that leggings are life.

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